引:
“如果事情会出错，就一定出错。(If anything can go wrong, it will)”
这是著名的Murphy定律，是以上尉Edawrd A. Murphy命名的。他曾是美国空军MX981工程的工程师。
有一天，当他发现工程中的一个变速器线路坏了，便责备负责的技术人员说:”如果有任何做错的地方，我就会找到 (If there is any way to do it wrong, he’ll find it.)”合同的项目负责人把这一条”玉律”加了进去，变成了著名的墨菲定律。
墨菲定律:
1. Nothing is as easy as it looks.
没有事情比看起来更容易
2. Everything takes longer than you think.
任何事情总是比想起来难
3. Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
凡事可能出错，就必定出错
4. If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong. Corollary: If there is a worse time for something to go wrong, it will happen then.
如果几件事都有出错的可能，那么其中造成最大损失的必定出错
推论:如果有事情出错的坏时机，到时就发生
5. If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
如果事情简单到不能出错，那就是
6. If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.
如果你已经知道了四种可能出错的方式，那么，第五种，便会在你无准备下出现
7. Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
任之的话，事情总是从坏到更坏
8. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
如果事情看起来变好，那么你就明显的忽略了什么
9. Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
自然总是偏袒隐藏的缺陷
10. Mother nature is a bitch.
自然总是坏事
11. It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
事情不能总十分简单，因为傻瓜也聪明
12. Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.
当你打算做某事，必然先要做别的
13. Every solution breeds new problems.
任何事情的解决都会产生新问题
Murphy’s Law of Research(墨菲研究定律)
Enough research will tend to support your theory.
足够的研究将会支持你的理论
Murphy’s Law of Copiers(墨菲抄袭定律)
The legibility of a copy is inversely proportional to its importance.
拷贝的合法性和重要性成反比
Murphy’s Law of the Open Road(墨菲公路定律)
When there is a very long road upon which there is a one-way bridge placed at random, and there are only two cars on that road, it follows that: (1) the two cars are going in opposite directions, and (2) they will always meet at the bridge.
当有一条很长的路，路上有一条单向的桥，并且路上只有两辆车，会发生的是:(1), 两辆车相反方向开， (2) 他们会在桥上相遇
Murphy’s Law of Thermodynamics(墨菲热力学定律)
Things get worse under pressure.
压力下事情总会变糟
The Murphy Philosophy(墨菲哲学定律)
Smile . . . tomorrow will be worse.
笑一笑，明天会更糟
Quantization Revision of Murphy’s Laws(墨菲定律的量子版)
Everything goes wrong all at once.
任何事情总会突然变坏
Murphy’s Constant(墨菲常数)
Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value
事情会在正比于它价值方向上变坏
Murphy’s Corollaries:(墨菲定律的推论)
Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
任之，事坏甚
It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious
任何事情不能太简单，因为傻瓜也聪明
Law of the Perversity of Nature (Mrs. Murphy’s Corollary):
You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
你不能预先知道面包的哪一面涂了黄油
Corollary (Jenning):
The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
Commentaries(注释)
Hill’s Commentaries on Murphy’s Laws:
1. If we lose much by having things go wrong, take all possible care.
2. If we have nothing to lose by change, relax.
3. If we have everything to gain by change, relax.
4. If it doesn’t matter, it does not matter.
O’Toole’s Commentary:
Murphy was an optimist.
NBC’s Addendum to Murphy’s Law(NBC墨菲定律补遗)
You never run out of things that can go wrong.
Murphy’s Military Laws(墨菲军事定律)
1. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you are.
2. No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy.
3. Friendly fire ain’t.
4. The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.
5. The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has already mined it.
6. The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.
7. The further you are in advance of your own positions, the more likely your artillery will shoot short.
8. Incoming fire has the right of way.
9. If your advance is going well, you are walking into an ambush.
10. The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.
11. If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.
12. The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on abandoned positions.
13. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
14. There is nothing more satisfying that having someone take a shot at you, and miss.
15. Don’t be conspicuous. In the combat zone, it draws fire. Out of the combat zone, it draws sergeants.
16. If your sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.
Murphy’s Technology Laws(墨菲科技定律)
1. You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track.
2. Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
3. Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.
4. Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.
5. If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
6. The opulence of the front office decor varies inversely with the fundamental solvency of the firm.
7. The attention span of a computer is only as long as it electrical cord.
8. An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.
9. Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he’ll have to touch to be sure.
10. All great discoveries are made by mistake.
11. Always draw your curves, then plot your reading.
12. Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.
13. All’s well that ends.
14. A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.
15. The first myth of management is that it exists.
16. A failure will not appear till a unit has passed final inspection.
17. New systems generate new problems.
18. To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.
19. We don’t know one millionth of one percent about anything.
20.Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
21. Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
22. A computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as 20 men working 20 years make.
23. The faster a computer is, the faster it will reach a crashed state.
24. Nothing motivates a man more than to see his boss putting in an honest day’s work.
25. Some people manage by the book, even though they don’t know who wrote the book or even what book.
26. The primary function of the design engineer is to make things difficult for the fabricator and impossible for the serviceman.
27. To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the job will take the longest and cost the most.
28. After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done.
29. Any circuit design must contain at least one part which is obsolete, two parts which are unobtainable and three parts which are still under development.
30. A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that works.
31. If mathematically you end up with the incorrect answer, try multiplying by the page number.
32. Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable. Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable.
33. Give all orders verbally. Never write anything down that might go into a “Pearl Harbor File.”
34. Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure, temperature, volume, humidity, and other variables the organism will do as it damn well pleases.
35. If you can’t understand it, it is intuitively obvious.
36. The more cordial the buyer’s secretary, the greater the odds that the competition already has the order.
37. In designing any type of construction, no overall dimension can be totalled correctly after 4:30 p.m. on Friday. The correct total will become self-evident at 8:15 a.m. on Monday.
38. Fill what’s empty. Empty what’s full. And scratch where it itches.
39. All things are possible except skiing through a revolving door.
40. The only perfect science is hind-sight.
41. Work smarder and not harder and be careful of yor speling.
42. If it’s not in the computer, it doesn’t exist.
43. If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
44. When all else fails, read the instructions.
45. If there is a possibility of several things going wrong the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
46. Everything that goes up must come down.
47. Any instrument when dropped will roll into the least accessible corner.
48. Any simple theory will be worded in the most complicated way.
49. Build a system that even a fool can use and only a fool will want to use it.
50. The degree of technical competence is inversely proportional to the level of management.
51. Any attempt to print Murphy’s laws will jam the printer.
Murphy’s Love Laws(墨菲爱情定律)
1. All the good ones are taken.
所有好的都有归宿
2. If the person isn’t taken, there’s a reason. (corr. to 1)
如果没有，必然有原因(修正1)
3. The nicer someone is, the farther away (s)he is from you.
离你越远，便会越好
4. Brains x Beauty x Availability = Constant.
聪明x漂亮x可得=常数
5. The amount of love someone feels for you is inversely proportional to how much you love them.
别人对你的爱和你爱别人成反比
6. Money can’t buy love, but it sure gets you a great bargaining position.
钱不能买到爱，但能给你好的指望(议价地位?)
7. The best things in the world are free — and worth every penny of it.
世上最好的是自由—值得一切
8. Every kind action has a not-so-kind reaction.
9. Nice guys(girls) finish last.
10. If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.
11. Availability is a function of time. The minute you get interested is the minute they find someone else.
Murphy’s Laws of sex(墨菲性律)
1. The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings.
2. Nothing improves with age.
3. No matter how many times you’ve had it, if it’s offered take it, because it’ll never be quite the same again.
4. Sex has no calories.
5. Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.
6. There is no remedy for sex but more sex.
7. Sex appeal is 50% what you’ve got and 50% what people think you’ve got.
8. No sex with anyone in the same office.
9. Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last.
10. A man in the house is worth two in the street.
11. If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.
12. Virginity can be cured.
13. When a man’s wife learns to understand him, she usually stops listening to him.
14. Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
15. The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can’t stand years later.
16. Sex is dirty only if it’s done right.
17. It is always the wrong time of month.
18. The best way to hold a man is in your arms.
19. When the lights are out, all women are beautiful.
20. Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won’t either.
21. Sow your wild oats on Saturday night — Then on Sunday pray for crop failure.
22. The younger the better.
23. The game of love is never called off on account of darkness.
24. It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden.
25. Sex discriminates against the shy and the ugly.
26. Before you find your handsome prince, you’ve got to kiss a lot of frogs.
27. There may be some things better than sex, and some things worse than sex. But there is nothing exactly like it.
28. Love your neighbor, but don’t get caught.
29. Love is a hole in the heart.
30. If the effort that went in research on the female bosom had gone into our space program, we would now be running hot-dog stands on the moon.
31. Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics.
32. Do it only with the best.
33. Sex is a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned four-letter words to convey its full meaning.
34. One good turn gets most of the blankets.
35. You cannot produce a baby in one month by impregnating nine women.
36. Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
37. It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
38. Thou shalt not commit adultery…..unless in the mood.
39. Never lie down with a woman who’s got more troubles than you.
40. Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song.
41. Never argue with a women when she’s tired — or rested.
42. A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn’t.
43. What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick.
44. It is better to be looked over than overlooked.
45. Never say no.
46. A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn’t love her.
47. Folks playing leapfrog must complete all jumps.
48. Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone.
49. Never stand between a fire hydrant and a dog.
50. A man is only a man, but a good bicycle is a ride.
51. Love comes in spurts.
52. The world does not revolve on an axis.
53. Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other eight are unimportant.
54. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
55. Don’t do it if you can’t keep it up.
56. There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love.
57. Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight.
58. Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
59. “This won’t hurt, I promise.”
